notkinkypatch | Recent Entries

This is where you get to give me some concrit! Tell me how shitty of a job I'm doing, stroke my gingery boner, but please know that if you do give me any tips, I will try to work on it as I see fit and I appreciate any help I can get!
And if you're good boys and girls I might even give you a cigarette. Maybe.

Comments are screened and anon is on, no worries!

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Ringtone

"My bad, I can't be assed to talk to ya right now. If you're looking for Badou Nails and you're waitin' for your money, press one an' suck my nuts I'm so fresh. If you're a buddy an' you've got somethin' for me, press two. If you're a hot babe, stay on the line an' send your measurements to XXX9624. As for the rest of you dicks, leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeep motherfucker!"

( Read more... )

( She got such a dirty mind and it never ever stops )

Current Mood: calm

( Paranoia paranoia, everybody's coming to get me, just say you never met me, I'm runnin underground with the moles )

(+44):

Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me

(306):

yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices

(763):
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested

(612):
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us

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(516):

He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

(847):

there was so much lube in my brother's closet...

(440):

Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.

(661):

You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

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(253):

I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise

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(770):

I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.

(630):

I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson

(585):

AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?

(512):

Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

(404):

No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"

(720):

In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

(310):

That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30	31

Roll it up and smoke it again

Hard Boiled Badassary

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