Roll it up and smoke it again

(+44):

Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me

(763):
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested


(612):
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us

(847):

there was so much lube in my brother's closet...

(661):

You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

(770):

I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.

(585):

AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?

(404):

No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"

(310):

That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...

(360):

why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?

(253):

Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf