Roll it up and smoke it again

(306):

we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.

(540):

Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.

(262):

I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.

(434):

You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater

(712):

She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.

(410):

I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night

(620):

Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night

(325):

Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right

(606):

You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed

(218):

We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?