notkinkypatch | "Hard boiled egg on a man's heart." [Fire Dick and The Legs]

Entry tags:

"Hard boiled egg on a man's heart." [Fire Dick and The Legs]

Maaaan, you fuckers don't know how to treat a lady. An alley, forreal? That's the nicest goddamn place your lumpy dick could think of? Better get back to pussy sailin' 101- owowowowoOW FUCK THAT'S MY PANCREAS, YA BALLSACK, IT AIN'T MY FAULT YOU DON'T GOT GAME! [If the alley isn't familiar than the high pitched, yet manly wheeze of a shriek should be incredibly familiar.
If one decides to mosey and stroll down a particularly loud alley, past the sleeping hobo and the piss stains on the walls, you will find about four common, grubby thugs roughing up a bruised, battered, and rapidly babbling redhead.]

C-c'mon, bruh, 'm just trynna make a livin, pay my taxes an shit. Sesame Street might'a ended in season 69, but you oughta thank hard boiled fuckers like me for teachin ya the moral of not fuckin' boystitutes with the curtains open! Can't believe your mama didn't teach you better....

[As he's pressed against the wall, restrained and taking another dose of a fist to the face for that yo mama comment, Badou can't help but wheeze and whimper...he HAD EVEN LOST HIS FUCKING CIGARETTES IN THE DUMPSTER HE'D HIDDEN IN! Where the fuck was his meatshield when he needed him to bust some balls?!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He tries his hardest to give her a stern look as he continues-] Next time, by your G-string's beard, you should just leave me there. You coulda gotten your ass deeper in the pan...damn... [And it would have been on his ass. THIS is why he works with a human-dog-vaginaphobe meat shield, dammit.] But you did save my cute freckled ass so I do owe ya one.

[His mouth curves into a skeevy grin right on cue, though it's tight due to the pain. He IS a big damn baby but the babydom is slow to act due to Titty McJustice here.] You want me to take my pants off, Officer Legs? So you can properly frisk an attend my wounds? What justice.

((DONT POOP ON THE WALLS! i mean that is decorated art but. HEH. If you start shipping this I'm gonna laugh so hard. also no worries, I was in the shower anyhow ;)))

[She's actually surprised at Badou's concern, but Alex tries to brush it off in a matter-of-factly way.] "If I did nothing, you'd be full of bullet holes. Even if I got myself in danger, that doesn't matter to me..." [She sighs heavily and tries to ignore Badou's following words, rolling up his pants her self.]

[So there's a ton of bruises, some blood, and worse: a bullet hole. Thankfully, Alex can still see the actual bullet, and she feels a gross feeling well up in her stomach. Silent for a short while, she wipes off the blood trickling down his leg as well as dabbing gently at the bruises. Her eye falls onto the bullet hole on Badou's thigh again.]

"That bullet in your leg... I..." [She reaches a hand towards the wound, wanting to just yank out that dang bullet from the guy's body, but she hesitates and reels back.] "You really need to do something about that, or it's only going to get... I'm sorry..." [And now she's crying. She's crying because she's feels useless. She's crying because she tried to save this guy, and he wound up getting hurt anyway. How's that fair at all?]

(( RESISTS THE SHIPPING. RESISTING....... ))

[As soon as he sees his leg a sympathy shock of pain rockets up his leg and a whimper escapes his lips] AwwwWW fuccckkkk couldn't that douchebag have missed or shot his own dick or something!? Karma's fair my ass...[If it had been his ass, while embarrassing, at least that would have impressed Alex.
Speaking of the beauty in question, she is currently in tears. Badou sputters and flails his arms before his hands find purchase on her shoulders, rubbing awkwardly]

HeyhEYHEYhey...chillaaax, babe. I've had way worse'n this. Just...j-just...yoink it an I'll be fiiine. I'm a hard boiled fucker, now stop cryin. People're gonna think 'm breakin' up with you an you shot me or somethin'. I don't want you to be on Fem Fatale Fridays. [Through a grimace, he attempts a reassuring smile. She said she saw shit like this all the time, so why was she getting all worked up? Made him feel bad, dammit...like he'd traumatized her.]

((HEH...you better hope I am not...influenced...into taking Badou or somebody to your game. Not for SUSPICIOUS PURPOSES. It is a pretty active place and stuff...but IDK I don't wanna be weird.))

[Alex continues her crying, but Badou manages to give her a little bit of a reality check. But even though her crying is reduced to sniffles, tears are still welling up in her eyes as she nods at Badou with a lump in her throat.] "Just... You were supposed to be okay... This wasn't supposed to happen..."

[A guy that could stand up for Alex and not just look at her like she was just another whore on the sidewalk is more than enough for her to consider him a friend, even if he may not feel the same.]

[So now she's moving her shaking hand back towards Badou's leg, sniffles all the more present. Her breathing becomes heavy as her finger lightly taps the bullet for getting a good grip with her index and thumb. And now the little tug-of-war starts with Alex against Badou's leg muscles to see who gets a hold of that bullet. She seems to be taking it like a champ, though.]

(( NO OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING COOL IF YOU BROUGHT HIM OR SOMEONE (MAYBE KONDO-SAN??????). I would love to rp with you there too and we could of course just do our own little thing separate from that! Just think about it, think about what your HEART wants~ ))

Look babe, you're fuckin' amazin', as are your skills, but see my life's got this clause where terrible shit always chases me down, no matter what. I even got shot in the ass once when I had my meat shield around. S'just the way it is. You did great. I'm totally fiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOOLLLY FUCK OH GOD ITS LIKE ALIEN BURPIN THROUGH MY TONED LEG

[Badou squirms in pain and keeps one hand gripping at Alex's shoulder while the other presses against his face, attempting to shield the tears out of his eye from Alex's pretty eagle eyes. Holy fuck this really does hurt, but he's actually doing a lot better than normal.]

((YOU SHITHEAD YOU ALREADY KNOW BY THE FACT THAT I EVEN SUGGEST IT TO YOU THAT MY HEART IS TELLING ME YES......I'M KINDA SCARED...BUT....I THINK I NEED MORE SPICE IN HIS LIFE, Y'KNOW? I love my game SO FUCKING MUCH but I think I can handle another game at this point too.))

Edited 2013-01-28 05:32 (UTC)

[As concentrated as Alex is on getting this dang bullet out of Badou's leg, she feels comforted by Badou's words (even tempted to laugh at the mention of being shot in the ass). Yeah, she can do this, she can do th- JESUS CHRIST the scream almost made her scream if she wasn't so set on getting the bullet out.]

[No, instead, the blood-curdling scream causes Alex hand to jerk so quickly and violently that the bullet comes straight out of Badou's thigh, coated with blood and glinting slightly in the sun.] "U-uhm... I... Got it?" [Yeah, no other words for her to say while she's got this thing between her two fingers and staring at it blankly.]

(( Yes yes good make the life spicier... Have it your way, BK... But yeah of course you've got your other community and stuff too yeah! ))

AHHHH JEEESUUUUUUS TAKE ME IN YOUR BIG STRONG ARAB ARMS, JUST TAKE ME JEEEESUUUUUUUS

....Oh wait, you got it...[Badou croaks half heartedly, his eye flickering from the bullet between her fingers and Alex's face. And then a tiny flicker to her cleavage for a second, but most of his attention is on his savior's face and not just her rad tits] H-haaaaah, see babe? T-toldja you got this. My f-favorite nurse yet.

((YEAH! GET READY FOR A GINGER WHOPPER! oh god I hope I can do this....I-I got this....right? Right! I GOT THIS))

Edited 2013-01-28 05:57 (UTC)

[That blank stare is still on her face for a sec, until she somehow snaps out of it, probably because of that glance Badou shot at her cleavage. Alex knicks the red-head on the shoulder with a lightly-bundled fist before setting the bullet on the ground next to her and hugging the guy. Yeah, she's a hugger.]

[She's silent for a bit, with only the sound of her breathing being heard. Her boobs are probably pressed against Badou for a second time, but she doesn't care. Just, holy shit she helped someone. She really isn't so useless as she thinks she can be.]

"You know..." [She finally speaks, though it's really more like a murmur.] "With everything that's happened to me for as far as I can sort of remember, I kept thinking that I didn't mean much at all... Just a whore slaving for one guy and now dead weight for two guys who I'm not sure even need someone like me. But now... Maybe I..." [She stops herself short. Sheesh Alex, you're too young and hot to keep getting mad at yourself all the time.]

(( Of course you doooooooo! What sucks is like they're not opening apps until like... The 1st of March?? They like open apps every other month which is like whoa dang sounds kind of exclusive. ))

Edited 2013-01-28 07:02 (UTC)

Whoa now, I ain't into kinky BSDM shit, watch that fistin, Doctor Quinn- [Surprisingly he is hugged silent, the wind and words knocked out of him as soon as Alex's slim arms wrap around him. He flails his arms for a few seconds and gapes, unsure, before awkwardly, slowly, wrapping an arm around her waist. His other hand settles atop her head and pats.
Ohhhh yeah, even within a touching moment, he is all too aware of the searing touch of those tits against his chest. Giggity giggity.]

There, there...we totally kicked dick. We make a good team. You're the cutest person whose ever taken somethin outta me, gotta say...[He worriedly mutters within the silence and the moaning hobo down the alley. When she finally breaks that silence, his brow furrows in confusion. The girl doesn't think too highly of herself, does she.]

Yo, I ain't into hittin' chicks so the best I can do is dutch oven ya if you keep talkin shit like that. 'm pretty sure two dumbass men like them will be fuckin helpless without you. I woulda limped over to that hobo an batted off a BJ in exchange for gettin' this thing pulled out if you weren't here. You make a fuckton of difference. [He pats her on the head again as he finishes, jeez, he ain't good at shitty pep talks, don't do this to him. Especially as ghetto as he looks with one pant leg pulled up and blood rolling.]

((I DO I TOTALLY DO! EVEN IF I'M NERVOUS....and you're sure I won't be like, cramping your style? I promise I wont hang off your junk too much...also yeah, thats a long ass time away. It's a tad intimidating but at least this'll give me time to get ready and shit.))

Edited 2013-01-28 07:16 (UTC)

[All of the compliments Alex receives from Badou she takes silently, although she feels her spirits lift from them. And especially that little pep talk and pat on her head is enough for her to realize that dang she can't just keep on acting all sad like this. ...Even if yeah she really is caught in one giant predicament.]

[God, the waterworks look like they're gonna start again from the red-heads kind words, but Alex instead gives him a smile. Like a really warm. 'I really appreciate that' smile.]

"Thanks, Badou... Really. It... feels nice to hear those kinds of pep-talk words from you." [She wipes a tear but giggles in the process.] "Ha, I really can be lame with all of this moping, huh?" [She feels herself (and her boobs) bouncing back to life, like a kind of weight's been lifted off of her. But oh god, there's still that, uh, bleeding problem going on.]

"O-oh, crap...! Um, just a second. I'm not a doctor, but this is probably the most I can do..." [She grips her black dress tightly and actually tears a part of it off (she's probably got bajillion copies of the same thing anyway). Not enough for some unneeded fanservice, but enough to serve a cloth that she uses to wrap around Badou's leg to stop the bleeding.]

"I know it's not much, but I think it should stop the bleeding. Um... Hopefully."

(( Why would you cramp my style? ;a; I would seriously be like so happy if you joined cause then I wouldn't feel so like 'oh god oh god am I doing something wrong um okay just act natural'. Like really! And yeah it totally gives time to like think of shit to put in for stuff in the app and all that cool stuff~ ))

[Badou watches those quick fingers work in mild awe, then returns her smile, bashfully- er, hard boiled-ly. She really is a good one, tearing her dress like that.] Yeah well, when I get certified to preach I'll give ya a call. Your perky ass can be the first to pop a squat on my couch.

PFFT, are you kiddin? I work with this vaginaphobic fruitcake who's nothing but whinin' about bein a test tube zombie crack baby an his brother that's got a boner for him. Not to mention he's got a cute amazon chick on his ass now, time he got over it. [You never saw Badou angsting to a mute loli over his dead sibling, right? Totally over it. What a pussy, that Heine.]

S'all good, Doctor Quinn. You did good. I dunno what I can do to repay you, besides givin' you free reign over my hot bod. [He side eyes her for a moment, thrilled the waterworks seem to be over...but totes disappoint over the heart wrenching separation of him and her tits.] I hope I ain't keepin' you from your boys...?

((W-WELL...I DUNNO...because I've only had one game till now and am still...awk with stuff. And PSH qurl, you're getting the hang of it. I'm proud! And I'd be honored to share this experience with you! I'm already crying over the app tbh...mostly at my own....old app for badou and how shitty it is and thinking of all the work I'm gonna have to do now.))

Edited 2013-01-28 09:11 (UTC)

[A... vaginaphobic... fruitcake... test tube... zombie... crack baby... Seriously, as much as Alex thinks Badou is a pretty cool guy, she seriously wonders if half the stuff he's saying is even real. But like she thought before, it's the guy's charm.]

[She shakes her head and laughs softly at Badou's very generous offer.] "Thanks, but... I think I'm gonna have to pass on that. Uh, not that you don't have a nice-looking body, or... That... Came out badly." [Well hey, if Alex was on that friends with benefits level with Badou, maybe she wouldn't be so against anything. Just maybe.]

[And when Badou mentions Alex keeping the two guys waiting, she basically stands herself right up in a flash.] "I completely forgot...! I-I really should go, or they might think I got into some trouble." [But as she's ready to say goodbye to Badou, she glances at his pretty crappily-bandaged leg.]

"You're... Going to be okay walking on your own, right? Here... Give me your hand." [A soft and delicate hand reaches out to the red-head with the eyepatch.]

(( Honored? Aw geez now youse just tryin' ta make me blush u///u Oh yeah but jesus I know the app was like really fricken intimidating I was like am I applying for a full time job or something. ))

[Dontcha know that all stories have a seed of truth? That ain't jizz-y seed? Tsk tsk, Alex-chwan. This friendship is going to teach them things, wide and far. More importantly, Badou's hot little ears immediately take her words into account, and he leers.] Yeah? You think I've got a nice lookin' bod, eh? We might haveta compare notes some time.

[Not likely, but Badou enjoys making her blush. Her sudden flash- of not tits but action makes him chuckle. Her hand causes him pause. She's already done so much an she isn't running the other way? Huh. Weird. His leg gives a warning twinge.]

I'm five by five, babe, really, I don't want your boys to attempt to kick my ninja skilled asscheeks an fail an cry onto your apron but-...well okay if you insist. [He bashfully takes her soft hand in his scarred one, attempts to distract her from the ugly texture of the scar, and slowly rises to his wobbly feet.]

((OH NO, NOW YOU KNOW MY SECRET~ But it's the truth, tho. seriously, I feel like I'm applying for life insurance or something. I'm pretty scared....but I want something to fucking DO with Badou! And maybe probably Kondo. He's bored and I'M bored.))

"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" [Alex nervously stammers back. Poor Alex, having all this shit happening today and now being put on the spot by this here red-head. Hopefully the subject just fades into nothingness yeah...]

[When Badou's up and standing on his feet, Alex feels just a little bit relieved. The "using part of her dress as some kind of crappy bandage" was something of a success? Her hand feels the roughness of Badou's hand, and Alex notices the scar covering it. She's... tempted to ask him about it, but she also knows when to hold back on certain questions.]

[She kind of stares at Badou for a small moment, giving him a good, hard look. She can't describe it, but there really is something about the guy that makes her attracted to him. Not romantically per-say, but in a way that has her know he's someone she can depend on. 'Not like she could really remember having some if any friends when working with Barry. Before that? Well, that's all just a foggy blur, isn't it?]

"Ah! Sorry, I..." [She catches herself staring at Badou for maybe too awkwardly long.] "N-no, nevermind."

(( Well hopefully you'll be able to DO ALL THE THINGS YOUR HEART DESIRES~~~~ And ah yes if Kondo joins to I will be able to possibly caress his hairy butt... I'm actually debating bringing another character in when they open apps again but hmmm... Also... Would you... Like to do... A...No...Ther??? I'm sorry but I am seriously having too much fun with this I'm even sort of putting off my other rp's because this is so fun ahhhhhhhhh..... ))

Right right, my mistake, the double bangin' combo of our hot bods together must've fucked me up. Riiiiight. [Just have. The damndest skeevy grin.
~~whatever qurl you know u want this d~~ He's pretty focused on ignoring the pain in his leg and the moaning of that hobo (was the guy really getting off on crime and punishment? Really? Jesus christ, he needs a goddamn job) that it takes him a moment to notice her stare. It's a bit unnerving and he sweats bullets, his eyebrow quirking in puzzlement. Is she second guessing the rescue or?]

Hm? Do I got somethin' on my face? I didn't get my eyebrow seared off again, did I? Ah, shit.

((I REALLY HOPE SO! I'M...EXCITENERVOUS? YEAH! Mostly by the app...and the...newness...also you will always be able to caress his hair ass, but only if you swear not to tell Otae-san before the wedding.
oooh who are you wanting to app?
I'D LOVE TO DO ANOTHER! YESSS! BUT! Only if you get to your current rps you poot! You bad bad girl~ Yes when you're done with your threads I'd absolutely LOVE to do another! What do you have in mind?))

"You're fine, you're fine." [Alex laughs, finding Badou's confused look pretty fun. ...That and she's trying to make herself look like less of a freak as possible.] "I was just thinking... is all."

[She glances up at the sky, realizing how yeah dang she's really gotta head back. ...And the sounds coming from that hobo are starting to get her just teensy-bit unsettled.]

"I really should go now, but..." [She's trying to find the right way to say this, taking a small pause before she continues.] "Be safe, Badou... Please." [And with that, she takes Badou's scarred hand between her and gives it a very small squeeze before turning away from the alleyway.]

[But oh, she almost forgot something! Alex rummages in her her bag of groceries and tosses an orange at the red-head, a shy smile shown.] "For you! ...Take care, now..."

[The words at the end sounded almost like a mutter. But now she's really off, walkin' away with that ripped dress and not giving any shits about it. Geez she's gonna need an aspirin when she gets back. Or two. Or five.]

(( Yes good the ass will be mine mmmmm.... Otae-san doesn't need to know of course not... Oh um I thinking maybe maybe of apping this one guy from Ristorante Paradiso, Gigi? The one that's really cute and just eats and has a wine fetish. URGHHHHHHHH FIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEE I'LL GET TO THOSE G-GEEEEEEEEZ. (You're so mean, Senpai...) But since I suck so bad at like coming up with an original scenario I'm just glancing at the meme thingy we did before and the public transportation or bar ones sound really good ahhh... I really love them both so if you like one more than the other we can just do the one you like! ))

Damn right I'm fine, baby, bout time you admit it with frothin' loins.

[Her soft, delicate hand in his, that encouraging squeeze, makes Badou startle and doki doki a little. Not much though, because he's hard boiled and not a high school girl. He's a tad disappointed to see her go, but he knows he'll see her again soon.] See ya round, Alex. Twice is more'n a coincidence now. 'm sure I'll be seein' you around. You watch your perky cute ass too, ya hear? No more of this hard boiled Death Defyin bullshit. Leave that to me an Bruce Willis.

[Something orange comes flying and hits him in the nose, but he catches it with a squawk and a questioning gaze. Is this her...calling card. Whatever, he enjoys the view mucho-ly as she walks away. Once again. Was this going to be a common theme? Yes.]

((You are such a shit, if I grow FOND of them I'm gonna kick your ass.
Also yeah we don't need to be killed by Otae-san, I wouldn't wish that death on my worst enemy. Maybe. also THAT CUTE OLD GUY YOU RPED AT ZOD?? KYAAAAH~ damn RIGHT YOU GET ON THOSE REPLIES! /waves fist
DUUUUDE I'd love to do the public transportation one! u-unless your heart of hearts is calling for the bar one..both would be awesome and I'm sure we'll get to both eventually))

Edited 2013-01-29 10:16 (UTC)

(( Yes yes all is going according to pla- I MEAN WHOA MAN GROWING FOND OF THEM!!??? And yes that exact old guy! I loved playing him for the short while I did but I think Zod's setting wound up not being the best for him or st like that... But yeah gosh I am getting more and more excited to maybe bring him~. Public transportation it is!!! Heh heh heh... Oh just you see what I'm gonna do in that one I'll just say you will seriously want to kick my ass. I'm gonna get to the other replies tomorrow though cause dang I'm tired but if ya want feel free to set up the thread...thing. Whatever mode of transportation they're in is totally cool with me, though the train sounds kinda nice.... ))

((YOU ARE SUCH A SHIT! A SHIT A SHIT! I'M GONNA FART ON YOU AS WELL! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FOND OF THEM.......I wonder how Badou'll do in a world with little to no technology...
ahhh I'm so glad you wanna bring him, you were so excited for him before and I'm glad you get a second chance~
WATER U GONNA DO TO BADOU'S ANUS......I'M SUSPICIOUS....AUTOMATICALLY...I'M GONNA BE PROTECTING HIS DONG DAMMIT!
OFC it's gonna be trains, best way to travel (that ain't planes...Badou can't afford that with his shitty salary.) I'll set it up tomor- er later today cause it is 6:30am and I'm hella tired too. GET ON YOUR OTHER THREADS ASAP OR I'LL SPANK YOU~
guh i'm excite =u= YOU POOT!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Hard boiled egg on a man's heart." [Fire Dick and The Legs]

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits

Re: Team Eyepatch and Sugar Tits