May. 5th, 2013

notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(919):

They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(519):

I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
(250):

I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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notkinkypatch: (h e h)
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(817):

I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(336):

Why am I wearing a dog collar


(1-336):

Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.

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notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(425):

The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(805):

I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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(317):

Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
notkinkypatch: (fuck your liver and onions shitstain)
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(708):

Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
notkinkypatch: (h e h)
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(818):

The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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