Badou Nails (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notkinkypatch) wrote2022-09-02 01:36 am
notkinkypatch) wrote2022-09-02 01:36 am
Entry tags:
Bout time I do a relationshits page
notes:
= Wary (I'm watching you and I don't quite know if I like the cut of your jib, dude)
= Trusted (You watch my back and I guess I'll watch yours. If I feel like it) 
= Casual (Yeah, I'll have a beer with you.) 
= Friends (Wanna lend me some rent money? What's that, we don't pay rent? Oh shit) 
= Disliked (Eat a fucking dick.) 
= In Touch (Sup? I can actually hold conversations with you without you hanging up on me like a rude ass) 
It's Complicated (Our relationshit is a goddamn Avril Lavigne song) 
= Castmate (Home sweet home my freckled ass! Can't get away from you lot) 
= Confidant (I told you 'bout that time in the confessional) 
= Good Friend (We've been through some real deep shit and I don't wanna shoot your dick off. I'll definitely beer you.) 
= Protect (I'll go to war with bottles and broken toilet seats for you) 
= Distrust (If it was up to you to get us out, I wouldn't piss down your throat if your heart was on fire)
= Attraction (I wouldn't mind rustling your jimmies) 
Alexstrasza
One of the first persons- hot individuals to welcome Badou to the crazy that is the manor. She was startled by his screams, he was startled by her existence and my, what big teeth you have; it was beautiful. They only met up a few times but she was helpful and patient, sort of motherly, and had great tits. He would have liked to have asked her about her world, if only she'd skip out using him accidentally as a toothpick.
Nice Holystone
Another first to get to Badou when he was fresh gingery meat. His dead brother hit on her, she basically dubbed them both spark-y tits, and he still owes her a few drinks. Plus her eyepatch is hella hot; in the next life they coulda been married, with a dog with an eyepatch an everythang. They had nice chemistry going on; flirting, teasing (mostly on her end, not her fault he's a wind up toy), shitty pick up lines, ragequitting turned humorous limelight. She was fine fantabulous babe with one of those damn kindness streaks, and a pretty kicking (albeit at his expense) sense of humor. Badou definitely would have liked to have hung out with her more. Were they...friends? Maybe. Badou isn't much for proclaiming sappy shit like that from the rooftops, but they were decent buddies.
Jan Valentine
They'd only chatted a few times (if you could call egging each other on and discussing the finer points in fast food boners chats) and all Badou ever deduced with his great sleuth skills is that he's a weirdo with a mouth worse than his, he's got some sort of rusty, cobwebbed cootch issues, and he bangs corpses. Nice guy. Authority figures gave him hemorrhoids, apparently. Confused as Fuck acquaintance level. But he was a major creepy dick.
Elphaba
They had the pleasure of meeting during a really weird, wet and wild time in their lives. Neither of them had feet, if that ain't weird I dunno what else is. Plus one of them had tentacles and the other was missing what you could call a tentacle. Heavy stuff. She was appalled by his taste in literature, he was amused by her sophisticated ways, it was hilarious and very soul searching. Their conversations have touched upon such subjects as: the education system, boy talk, karma, the Author's boners, and work related compensation for imitation Santa Clause...clauses. So it's also easy to say they had a comfortable comrarery going on, he liked her well enough. Seeing as she didn't go running out of the room and even teased him right back, it was mutual. She was a real sassy babe with sharp wit and good level head on her shoulders. And some sort of romance issues Badou will never admit participating in boy talk about. Positive Acquaintances (if the boy talk is anything to go by. Badou's a noble sort.)
Dave Strider
If you think this collision of cultures and bullshit was a Christmas miracle than you need serious priority wedggie readjustments. Why this little shit was on the Elves union side and not the poor ass ginger's is anyone's guess. Kids these days...Regardless, Badou thinks the kid is pretty weird, and HELLA forward with that prostate talk. Coulda at least waited another five years before asking him to a nice dinner! Welp aside from the fact that the kid is a major smart ass little weeaboo PUNKASS, he doesn't seem like a total dickmunching evil mastermind. He doesn't have the ballhair to pull a plan like that.
Princess, Ponytail, Kand-y Knickers, N00b, Dude Looks Like A Lady Don't Fucking Hit Me Fucker,
Kanda Yu
Badou's off again, on again, slice again reluctant self proclaimed student. And a pretty pretty princess with some privilege issues. Badou isn't getting a big enough pension for telling this kid what it is. How does he reach these keeeeeds? The kid's got wicked hair (a wig, clearly) that Badou will never admit being slightly envious of, he tends to act like a dweebus and is a bit of a dick but the kid is an innocent. Sort of. In the ways of the world, anyway. HIS FAVORITE WORD IS ALSO NO and he is the FUNNEST to get mad. When they're miles apart, anyway. He didn't even know what smanging meant, can you believe it? CLEARLY the kid needs someone lookin' out for him and Badou is somehow it. If only to tease the bajeeeeeeeezuz out of him at the same time as teach him life lessons and shit. Note: Badou somehow doesn't know this, but Kanda is going to hurt him deeply
EDIT: Kanda has kicked his ass and the bruises on said ass are quite painful. Only because Badou let him. Food chain, middle school beatings, that sorta shit.
Hayato Gokudera
Deep Feels
Slim Jim, Commodore Dickington, Wig Boner, Pirate Fetish, Baby...daddy?
(Former) Commodore James Norrington
Cum on let me tell ya bout my BEEEEEEEEST FR- well no that's pretty fruity. But nowhere near as fruity as Norrington. The guy is prim and proper and hung up love drunk on some twig of a girl with nice titties and hes honorable and ridiculous. And married to ship puns and his wig. But more or less he's a decent bro with a heart of really fly by weave and a silver tongue. Possibly literally, Badou ain't gonna check, are you outta /his/ mind? Nevermind. Slim Jim also smells like old people, but at least he's funny when he's intoxicated. His morals are about as tight as his ass. But he's a good guy that doesn't afraid of anything. He also apparently knows jackdick about national holidays. Clearly this kid needed more hugs and less wig powder.
Mama Bear, The Housewife and the Mechanic, Anit-Smokey the Ginge
Mary Winchester
Everyone's resident mama. Matter of fact they MET on mothers day and she gladly fattened Badou up and listened to his shpiel. What the hell is with women who love to tease the bajeeezuz out of poor ol Badou? And what is it with her denying the great porno buck makin' opportunity her and her hubby had, the Housewife and the Mechanic: Plaid Redemption. And even though she's trynna meddle with his health and humiliate El Gingo Grande, she's a really damn good lady. She has this need to adopt people, apparently. Badou's okay with being within the fold of her bosom just as long as she doesn't put any goddamn smoke patches on him again. Mary is one sassy ass momma lady person with a knack for trouble almost as good as Badou's. She LOvEs her brats, picket fence shit, some mysterious employment that drives Badou's sleuthing nosy gene crazy. Plus they owe eachother drinks and non kinky fun times. If she can flirt back without running for the hills as soon as Badou's orangutang lips start smacking then she's a real keeper. He's at the point of warning her, after she warns him, to be careful and not get her perky ass into trouble over dumb shit. Baby steps. Maybe he'll even accidentally offer to save her some day. More than likely though he'll cry her a river to come save his dumb ass sometime soon.
Mardi Gras/Titty Dipping hat guy, Grandpa Yo Yo Ma (not to be mistaken with Yo Mama)
Ugetsu Asari
Badou was innocently pillaging the fridge for a midnight snack one Truth Week evening when this dude snuck up on him and nearly made him pis- er, drop his beer. Yeah. The guy's a total ancient grandpa, with the manners and the not knowing what a goddamn fridge is....but he humored Badou and chatted about shit. Like music. The dude is in a band, a goddamn flapper classical band. The way he moves, though, certainly isn't like a musician would. Too sneaky. Maybe it's the samurai blood. Chi or what the fuck ever. They, too, are lost the fuck in translation. But they got by. Badou wouldn't mind talking to the dude more. If only to teach him embarrassing shit. P.S Badou does not have an old fogey fetish, get out.
Knuckle
Loud as fuck all priest (possible eunuch), has a thing for fisting??? This gullible soul believed Badou's bullshit about them being in hell for at least twenty minutes. As usual they were lost in translation most of the time, but Badou found a gopher to hara- take under his wing and Knuckle failed to discover how much of a dick Badou is. He just figured the guy was being friendly and welcuming. Not to mention interesting. The feeling was mutual. The angsty redemption shit hit a little too close to home involving his own zombiedickwad partner, so naturally Badou had to fix that with his colorful war stories
Becky Rosen
A girl who actually questioned and doubted Badou's vast knowledge on how to deal with squirrel attacks. But eventually she saw the light and Badou learned that she isn't secretly some weird ass dominatrix with the kinky smut fanfics. Becky becks, always ready to kick the tail on the squirrel or horse or horse ghost, always ready with a sassy answer. Pretty cute when mad and not threatening to kick Badou's face in. Apparently she's a wild woman, though Badou begs to differ. However the fact that she once shanked some fucker definitely earns some badass points in his book. Now, the thing is, for some weird ass reason he agreed to help her if she was ever in some sort of bind, and vise versa. He really shoved his foot so far down his throat he's pooping sole. That's something to figure out. It makes him damn right antsy, knowing the trouble he gets into and, gulp..responsibility! Becky Becks also can't seem to get his name right.
Falco Lombardi
Some Peasant Goose Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes bird brain fucker who saved Badou once, on a pitiful afternoon on Ol' McDonalds farm. There weren't even any french fries so Badou was understandably shitty. The sheer bursting egos of these two in the same chicken coop was enough to make chickens flustered (not just their mohawk feather-do's)and poop flow from the walls. (not really, but it could have happened) A king among poultry, Falco valiantly and humbly took Badou's advice on believing in one self to heart (fart) and even got the dumbass to bullshit owing him one. Don't hold your breath, dude. I Barely Know You And This Is Crazy But Your Apeshit Cousins Got Poop On Me So Save Me Maybe? Level.