notkinkypatch: (Default)
This is where you get to give me some concrit! Tell me how shitty of a job I'm doing, stroke my gingery boner, but please know that if you do give me any tips, I will try to work on it as I see fit and I appreciate any help I can get! 
 And if you're good boys and girls I might even give you a cigarette. Maybe. 

Comments are screened and anon is on, no worries! 
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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"My bad, I can't be assed to talk to ya right now. If you're looking for Badou Nails and you're waitin' for your money, press one an' suck my nuts I'm so fresh. If you're a buddy an' you've got somethin' for me, press two. If you're a hot babe, stay on the line an' send your measurements to XXX9624. As for the rest of you dicks, leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeep motherfucker!"
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?

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its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested

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Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
notkinkypatch: (Default)
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...


Dec. 10th, 2013 05:27 am
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.


Aug. 1st, 2013 05:30 am
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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